I must be getting old

Some years ago, I heard talk show host Phil Hendrie make the statement that "there's nothing dumber than a Raiders fan." While I'm not sure about the complete veracity of his assertion, in the particular case I'm going to write about, I believe it has merit.

I stopped by my local gun emporium while out and about yesterday just to see if anything interesting was in the used gun section (nothing was). Before I even went into the store, my eyes and sensibilities were assaulted by a bumper sticker plastered to the driver's-side back window of a truck directly in front of me (the Raiders sticker on the passenger's side I couldn't have cared less about). I snapped a photo of it (see above) for posterity. Perhaps fortunately, the photo didn't come out well enough to read the sticker, so I'll have to quote it here in an edited (for vulgarity) form. It read "Imports are like tampons, every pu--y has one."

Now, I don't have a problem with his message, inaccurate as it may be, but I do have a major problem with the words he chose to convey it. Do you? If not, please tell me how you couldn't have, because I just can't fathom it. I guess this all goes back to the basic slob nature of too many Americans who think liberty means license to be boorish. I wonder if this dude had even the slightest inkling that kids would see this. You know, it's fools like this, sad to say, who give liberty a bad name.

What can be done about this? Probably not much. I would be wholly against the state, via a cop, ordering the sticker, offensive as it may be, to be removed. Nor would I remove it myself, as that violates my principles concerning private property rights. Waiting around and speaking to the guy about his taste in vehicular adornments would likely be counterproductive because anyone who's daft enough to put a sticker like that on public display in the first place would be too thick to reason with. I'm truly at a loss.

As I age, I find myself with a lower tolerance for suffering fools gladly. More's the pity, because there seem to be so many now more than ever. It's enough to drive one to despair.

Take care.
DAL357

A different kind of performance

What seems to be the one word you most often hear associated with cars? If you guessed style, luxury, comfort, or even affordability, you guessed wrong. No, it’s performance.* This is the overriding consideration, or so we’ve been told, of a car’s worthiness. Performance today still means how fast can you accelerate from a dead stop to 60 mph, or how much cargo (usually a boat or gargantuan travel trailer) you can haul. With the new paradigm of ever-higher fuel costs, though, performance will shortly take on a new meaning: How far can you get on a gallon of gasoline/diesel?

I’ll be the first to admit that the new definition of performance is not nearly as sexy as the old, but things change. Shift a few years into the future and I can see a scenario where a young Lothario is bragging to his intended conquest of how little he has under his hood and how far it gets him. She, being duly impressed, decides to give him a spin.

Crazy? Science fiction? Preposterous? Perhaps. But politicians aren’t the only ones who can flip-flop; entire methods of living can too. Only those ignorant of history can argue the point.

The attitudes amongst the masses towards what performance means in an automobile are changing, but they are doing so slowly and grudgingly. Slap a couple of more bucks on the price of a gallon of gas and watch how quickly juvenile notions of speedy, fire-breathing performance evaporate. Even true juveniles, as opposed to those who are still in adolescence at 30, 40, 50, 60, etc., will not be able to evade reality for long owning a car that may zoom from 0 to 60 in an amount of seconds equal to the fingers on one hand, or have the ability to pull double duty as a barge tug, but that gets only a pathetic 21 mpg/city (with a tailwind) and costs $100-$150 to fill. When we get to the point where the choice is either walking or taking a car that chugs along steadily, but slowly and economically, we will have reached the era when the old definition of performance is quaint and outdated.

Take care.
DAL357

*Or so it seems to me.

Free advice!

Let’s revisit some basic driving techniques for getting the best MPG from the ever-more expensive gasoline you buy.


1. Take advantage of gravity by using every hill you crest, whenever practical, to shift into neutral and coast. This assumes, of course, you have a manual transmission--it might work with an automatic, but I’m not sure.

2. Drive no faster than 60 on the highway, at least for trips of less than an hour. I know the road gets monotonous when tooling along at 60 for hours on end, but for relatively short commutes, it really helps mileage.

3. Try to keep your vehicle moving, even if it’s only a couple miles an hour, rather than coming to a complete stop at red lights. This takes a bit of practice, and it’s not always doable, but it is worth your time.

4. Slightly over inflate your tires. I keep my tires inflated to three pounds over the recommended pressure, and I check them every two weeks, although weekly wouldn’t be overkill, especially in cold weather.

5. Accelerate at a moderate pace. If you have a tachometer (I do not), I have heard it should not rise above 2000 RPM when you accelerate to get the best mileage.

6. Get a tune-up. I’ll have to admit this is one I need to do ASAP. I bought some high-performance spark plugs to be installed when I do get the tune-up; we’ll see if they were worth the extra cost.

7. Use synthetic oil, which is supposed to make for slipperier engine-part surfaces and, hence, less internal resistance. According to experts, this will translate into better mileage. I haven’t tried this one yet.

8. Change your air filter regularly. I did notice a tiny bump up in mileage when I changed my air filter.


That’s about all I can think of. If you have anything constructive to add to this list, please post it in the comments section.

Take care.
DAL357