Sunday, October 12, 2008

Self parody

Can anyone say anything about Hugh Hefner other than, "What a complete moron."?


Playboy Hugh Hefner back on the market [and what a catch he is] after splitting from 'No 1 girlfriend'

Playboy tycoon Hugh Hefner is nursing a broken heart after his "No 1 girlfriend" [concubine] Holly Madison walked out on him.

The 82-year-old said his failed efforts to have a baby with Madison [There is a God!], 28, contributed to the split.

Despite the 54-year age gap, Hefner said he had "planned to spend the rest of my life [1-36 months] with Holly", adding that he was "down in the dumps" about the break-up: "I was road kill a couple of weeks ago." [Only a couple of weeks ago, Hugh? C'mon, you've looked like road kill for at least a couple of decades.]

He explained: "We tried to have a baby earlier this year and it didn't work out. She became very depressed." [Depressed that she couldn't use a baby as an angle to get a piece of your millions. No doubt there are millions of guys who'd gladly oblige her desire for a child, but a lot of them are just working stiffs, if you'll pardon the expression, who don't have millions. So, this isn't about a baby at all, but really about moolah.]

Hefner saw the writing on the wall last month [via trifocals?] when he admitted that their relationship was going through a period of "transition", explaining: "I don't think anything lasts forever. I love [as if you have any conception of the word] her very much but, you know, she wants very much to get married and have children. That isn't very much on the cards for me. So there has to be a certain reality there." [Reality? Give me a break. You want reality, Hugh? Here it is: You are an obscene, self-centered person and you always have been. In your heyday, you ran around bleating about how sexually repressed everyone in this country was and how they needed to loosen up. Well, you certainly helped usher in a looseness in sexual morals, and what a stupendous, crushing failure it's been. But, of course, you would never take any of the blame for that. No, you're still too busy trying to tap every maple tree in the forest, with the aid of Viagra, to notice the lives your poisonous philosophy has helped to destroy. You are a joke, a clown, a pig, and it's time someone called you out on it.]

However, he does not have to contemplate singledom just yet. He still has two other live-in girlfriends [Girlfriends? Look, they're prostitutes, plain and simple.], Kendra Wilkinson, 23, and Bridget Marquadt, 35, installed [like an appliance?] at the Playboy Mansion in Beverly Hills. Hefner has scaled down his coterie - a few years ago the mansion was home to no less than seven Playmates.

And there is no shortage of [gold-digging] women queing up to replace Madison.

The multi-millionaire said: "There's been moments that I've been down in the dumps about all this, and Mary (Hefner's personal assistant) told me to cheer up and pointed out that there are girls lined up outside the front gate. At my age, that's hard to believe [ditto], but it seems to be true.

"It's a big house and I'm not going to live alone. I'm definitely not going to live alone." [Have you contemplated a live-in assistant, Hugh?]


Lest anyone think that jealousy led me to post the above, rest assured that it was not, and is not, my motivation. In fact, I couldn't care less what HH does. But when this nonsense is splashed across the news by the infotainment industry when far more pressing and serious stories cry out for in-depth reporting, I feel compelled to comment. So some old, pruned-out millionaire is able to plow a bunch of furrows far less than half his age. This is newsworthy? Just like HH himself, the news industry has become a mere parody of itself.

Take care.


Anonymous said...

If Mr. Hefner needs any help to inpregnate his girlfriend, I will be willing to help.

I can be helpfull for quite some time, Months if necessary, until the job gets down.

No need to pay me for my time or efforts. I do a good job and last a long time to perform until satisfaction is obtain.

I'm reliable and physically able to do the job.

Healthy and clean. I have good coversation and a good track of my performances.

The only thing I lack ( as you can see ) is typing skills and my grammar is below H. S. Levels., but that is irrevelentHowever my entusiasm compensates for my faults.

Thank you very much.

Oh I forgot I speak three languages and skillful in sign language. also be willing to participate "raising the children in Mr. hefner home."

DAL357 said...

I'll keep you in mind if I hear she is looking for a donor, but I have to tell you that you're probably going to be in a LONG line of willing participants. Good luck!