Saturday, November 22, 2008

Bailout, shmailout

As is often the case in life, intelligence is no guarantee of making the right decision. Take the debate on the automobile industry bailout for example. I've recently heard more than one otherwise intelligent person pontificate that the government should give money to that ailing industry, but only with strings attached. Those strings would include governmental oversight that the industry was using the money correctly and somehow, via the wise hand of the governmental guidance (BWAHAHAHA!), miraculously seeing the light and changing the deeply entrenched, decades-long, error of its ways.


Note to the power brokers in DC, aka elected politicians and appointed bureaucrats: Why would you want to complicate your life like that? And who are you to give advice to anyone on the judicious use of money and organizational management? You've been spending more than you bring in for many, many years, so you have absolutely no standing to be giving advice to anyone. Let me help you to make your collective lives easier so you can concentrate on what you do best: bamboozling enough of your constituents to win your next term.

Okay, here's what you do, political creatures. Let the auto industry sink or swim on its own without one penny of taxpayer money. No special committees, commissions, or agency need be created to direct or give advice to the industry. This will free up plenty of time to hire prostitutes (male or female, as your preference dictates), diddle pages (male or female, as your preference dictates [right, Barney?]), make the party circuit, play in bathroom stalls, perform clandestine dope deals, fight the war on drugs, lard unneeded bills with pork (gotta keep those porkers at home happy), polish your lies, secretly siphon off ill-gotten money (taxes) for personal use, incite class warfare and envy, curry and grant favors to industries who kowtow to you, and generally be the log-in-the-eye slobs, sybarites, and sycophants you've always been.

That's a lot of activity and we are all only given 24 hours in a day, so don't complicate your life by taking on tasks that another system, the free market, can handle; you'll need your time and rest for the above exhaustive pursuits. Enjoy your life now, for if there is one after this, you likely won't. Don't worry, the free market excels at taking care of businesses that have become bloated and inefficient as a result of bad decisions. Let the free market take that wheezing, sweating, obese industry for a trip to boot camp and watch the lean, mean fighting machine that returns. That's right, the industry will survive in one form or another, perhaps not in Detroit, but it will survive. The phoenix that arises from the ashes will be able to compete with any other car maker on the planet. And the best part is you won't have to lift a finger for any of this to take place.

Sound like a deal? Good! Now get on out there, tiger, and pursue the illicit activities you were bred for!

Take care.

1 comment:

The Other Mike S. said...

No, they need to nationalize yet another industry. It's worked so well in the past. Think about the wonderful cars produced by the Soviet Union. They're legends....